Most parents will tell you that parenting is the most difficult and most rewarding thing they have ever done. From the moment your child is born until they leave your house parents are emotionally connected to their kids in a way only another parent can understand. My parents used to tell me that I would never understand how they felt about me until I was a parent. Once again, my parents were right! You don’t really understand how a parent feels until you are a parent.
Funny thing is you do not really grow up knowing how to be a good parent. Usually, you try to remember a few things your parents did right or wrong and adjust. For young parents it can be incredibly difficult and overwhelming. Parents have problems and struggles too. We do not want to admit it and we all want to look like we got it together, but most of us are just trying to figure it out as we go. It is not like you get a manual or guide on how to be a good parent in ten easy steps. Some parents are young and lack maturity. Others may overcompensate in their parenting based on their own bad experience with their own parents.
Parenting is hard and I have discovered one thing many parents struggle with. What is it? Parents do not see what they are doing good. Many parents feel they are doing a poor job or feel guilt for something and therefore struggle making good parenting choices. Many times, we focus on where we are failing as parents instead of where we are getting it right. It is a common parenting technique to encourage parents to see the positive and strengths in their children. However, one of my favorite questions for parents is to ask them where they see things going good in their parenting. Most people expect me to ask the opposite. In my experience it is hard to fix things in a family or in a parenting style if we cannot at least see some good. We all typically do better when motivated from a positive place. It will be easier for a parent to make an adjustment if they feel they are not completely blowing it in the first place.
For example, if you decided not to abuse your child because it happened to you. This takes courage to make a different and better choice and should be praised. Or perhaps, you decided to take a job that allowed for more time at home with family. Another occasion may be when you decide to get involved with your child’s activities because you want to be more present in your child’s life. All these choices by a parent are good and noteworthy, but often overlooked especially by the parent. If you want to make a real change as a parent first notice where you may be succeeding and then it will be easier to tackle some of the big changes that perhaps need to be addressed
A few things to remember when considering your parenting.
1--What are you doing right?
(i.e., keeping them safe, providing for their needs, etc.)
2--Think about the good things you remember about how your parents raised you.
Perhaps there was something from your childhood and how your parents parented you that could strengthen your parenting?
3--Consider the resources you have available to you that could enhance your parenting style, values, etc.?
For example, there may be schools, churches, community supports, friends, or family that would help encourage what you are already doing. Remember the phrase “it takes a village” means parents cannot do it alone.
by Jered B.
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