Can I have a side of hope with that?

Younger generations getting started are less optimistic than ever before and feel disillusioned about achieving milestones that would have been normal 20 years ago. Marriage, kids, and a house all seem part of the American Dream—or at least, it used to.  Recently I came across an article on Moneywise that had a discussion with a NYU professor about young people struggling to achieve the same milestones their parents and grandparents did. It is taking longer for people to meet, date, marry, get a house, and have kids.

In the interview the professor argues, “People aged 30 to 34 — 60% of them in 1990 had one child. Now it's 27%,” he said. “People are opting out of America. They're not optimistic about it. They're not having kids. They're not meeting, and they're not mating." and "The pool of emotionally and economically viable men shrinks every day, which lessens household formation. So, we have a real issue.”[i]

The article goes on to share young adults’ frustration with the world around them as they encounter one hurdle after another. From my college days studying sociology and social work it is sounding like communities and families will have to expend more social capital to help people get ahead. Meaning people will have to have more support and shared experience from others to make a successful transition to adulthood.

Typically, in social work the emphasis was trying to help people in poverty move up into the working class. From all appearances according to the Moneywise article the working and middle-class part of society is shrinking.  In other words, if someone wants to achieve the next step up the ladder of influence or wealth someone already having the road map will have to take you there. People in the middle class have the road map that someone in the working class needs to level up and attain middle class status. The upper class have the roadmap to help the middle class get to the next level as well. However, often groups don't want to share knowledge and lose their edge. It will be important for groups to share knowledge so others can move up and achieve. Intrinsically, we may want to keep others down or feel in competition with others, but the more anger and despair society creates the riskier it is for everyone.

The easiest solution is for families to share insights and wisdom.  However, in my experience this rarely happens. Specifically, with families that are at least two generation citizens of America. The typical American achieves on their own and rarely gives someone the VIP pass on how they succeeded. The assumption is it is always on your own merit. As true as this may be, giving people even simple insights into wealth creation or attaining home ownership can be helpful to young people.  Another example might be helping younger people understand what occupations might be hot in the current economy, thus ensuring a stable employment for them.  Others may know the secret to investing in real estate and another in other investments. Often the generational knowledge about how to achieve these things dies with people. 

However, new families to America often take a different approach. Instead of an individual approach they collaborate, pool resources, acquire talents, and share investments to get ahead faster.  They do see America as the land of opportunity, but they are also smart enough to see that you can rarely achieve without at least a starting push.  The idea that as an individual you can achieve on your own merits is real and can happen, but the barriers and challenges are getting larger and more difficult to overcome for many people. Inherently, there is an American belief that each person does for themselves, and no one really helps the other person. This notion can work when there are plenty of resources to go around, but now just buying a single-family home seems daunting.  My wife and I had simple careers and were able to buy a home and two cars out of college but that would be close to an impossibility in today’s economy for our children.

The other big concern in this article is the effects these challenges seem to have on families and mental health.[ii] It is like young people getting their careers started with hope and fervor only to realize their hope of getting the most basic things at the beginning of adulthood (i.e. home) are out of their reach, thus creating depression and anxiety. Also, when you take hope from young people, they are less enthusiastic about starting families and settling down because of the insecurity and lack of hope they feel. Families and communities should problem solve and share insights that can help young people get ahead and achieve their American dream. A few suggestions below for both the young and the old are:

1.     Find someone to mentor into a better life. Maybe you have wisdom and acumen in a certain area that can bless someone else.

2.     Start first with family. Often, kids don’t want to listen to parents but in my experience once you get a heavy dose of life it brings things into focus for everyone. Meaning family holds a lot of life experience and wisdom that can help us all avoid some land mines.

3.     Start gaining wisdom and life experience instead of bemoaning your circumstances and if possible, team up with someone to make your life transformation faster.

4.     Enjoy what matters!  Don’t let money and the lack of opportunity stand in your way of enjoying what really matters. Family, marriage, and children cannot be substituted for with wealth and power. While you are waiting for wealth or power enjoy being married and having kids.\

--Jered Benedick, LCSW-S, MSSW @ University of Texas at Arlington, BA @ Abilene Christian University, MMIN @ Harding University

[i] Pan, Jing. “‘They’re Not Having Kids’: NYU Professor Scott Galloway ...” Moneywise, April 25, 2024. https://moneywise.com/news/economy/theyre-not-having-kids-nyu-professor-scott-galloway.

[ii] Pan, Jing. “‘They’re Not Having Kids’: NYU Professor Scott Galloway ...” Moneywise, April 25, 2024. https://moneywise.com/news/economy/theyre-not-having-kids-nyu-professor-scott-galloway.