From the 90s to Now: Why Bullying Feels Different (And What to Do About It)

How do we stay resilient and help our children stay mentally tough against what appears to be a growing occurrence of all types of bullying in schools?  It wasn’t even until 2014 until the federal government released the first federal definition of bullying. Basically, the CDC narrowed bullying down to four areas. They were physical, verbal, relational/social, and damage to property of someone.

Growing up in the 80s and 90s I heard about bullying but only witnessed it one time. My friend and I were at the back of the line when another classmate waiting for the teacher to lead us out to music blocked the door when we went to leave. He then proceeded to grab and push my friend around all around the room. Not sure what to do I told him to stop and called for help. In hindsight and looking back the best word to describe how I felt was overwhelmed. I wasn’t even the one being bullied but a feeling of being overwhelming existed.

Now schools must do almost a full-blitz campaign with slogans and policies to deal with the daily bullying incidents going on at school. It’s hard to imagine that research and statistics about bullying are just now really starting to come out over the last decade. Although, bullying has certainly been around it is the occurrence of bullying and the escalation of the events in schools that has national attention. As adults and parents how do we help others manage bullying. Let’s assume that the reason we are talking about it more and more in schools and media is because it is occurring more. Next, what to do about it? Staying solution focused is important, but first we must accept it is going and that bullying seems to be escalating in schools. 

The reality is there are so many unique variables to each situation that we must accept the fact that bullying is a real struggle for many students. So, first let’s accept it is going on and move forward. Acceptance is hard to do because it means I must acknowledge the problem. The easy thing to do is pretend it is someone else’s problem or some other school, state, or situation and move on. However, when I found myself in the situation trying to protect my friend from a bully, I was forced to deal with it and like many it can be overwhelming. Yet, if someone had talked me through some solutions to consider ahead of time then chances are I would have handled the situation better.

Here are some tips to share with students as they face complicated bullying situations at school.

1. Stay in groups. It’s harder to pick on someone that is in a group.

2. Stay in visual range of staff. Bullies are less likely to bully you in full view of staff.

3. Report instances and write statements. Don’t be afraid to stick up for yourself and report bullying and document if needed with staff.

4. Engage staff. Don’t be afraid to ask for help. Staff is there to help.

5. Ignore it when possible. Often, bullies want to get a response from others, so they poke and prod to get a response.

6. Defend yourself if necessary and escape if you feel in danger.

7. Let parents know what is going on. Many don’t tell families what is happening to them, and other adults are there to help.

8. Work on making friends—Friendships give you a larger group to support you, and can make school a little more bearable if getting bullied

9. Delay or limit exposure to social media to help with the intensity and type of bullying that a student can go through.

10. Use parental controls to set boundaries on social media so that students stay out of potential complicated online situations.