Should my child repeat their grade?

We all want our kid to excel in life. I certainly do. However, we find it vastly different as life starts to unfold. As we all know ‘life isn’t fair.’ Some of us are bigger, taller, stronger, faster, and/or smarter.  Yet, as parents we try and give our kid every advantage we can. Just look at how much energy goes into select sports. Many kids and families are doing select sports at 4 and 5 years old. To me it sounds too early and too hectic, but many families do it anyway. Why? The answer is to gain an advantage over other kids. It is about getting the advantage in sports, college scholarships, or life. Certainly, kids that potentially go on to college on a scholarship or have a chance to play a professional sport have a huge advantage in life over someone else. It is nice when our kid is succeeding and has the advantage but what about when they don’t?

It is also true that parents will bend over backwards to get their kids into the right schools for the same reasons of wanting success for their kids. Parents often pay close attention to the neighborhood they choose or the ratings their neighborhood school might have. Likewise, homes can skyrocket in cost based on the location they have to good schools. Obviously, it has probably always been true that we want the best for our kids, but over the last decade things have become almost hypercompetitive. Increased pressure in sports and school creates stress and anxiety on everyone—especially kids.

Now enter a pandemic that derailed everything and now we are trying to figure out where kids line up. Forget sports, the pandemic put many kids’ academic readiness far behind where they should have been. National ratings show children are sometimes a year behind compared to students in years past thanks to the pandemic. Parents that had a student with straight A’s may now have to enroll their child in summer school just to get them caught up. Many parents feel lost when they feel their child is behind. No one wants this but what should be our response when our child is behind in school and when they are struggling to get ahead in their academic career? We never want anything to be wrong with our kid. It is hard to admit our kid needs help or might need to repeat a grade. The tips below can help you make the best decision for your child and family on if repeating a grade is right for them.

1.     Age matters! If your kid is about to start preschool or Kinder, then you are wondering if they are ready. During our early years developmental stages matter. Are there other developmental milestones your child is behind on that also need to be assessed? Does your child need speech or an occupational therapy assessment?  If your child was slow walking or talking it is very possible that they may also go on to struggle at school so getting them started early in pre-K also may give your child an advantage and give the school a chance to assess your child further. It doesn’t mean they won’t catch up. It just means they are developing on their own curve. Sometimes some extra time is invaluable, and it will give your child a chance to catch up to their peers. Everything in life seems to be rushed and rushing a child who is developmentally behind is typically a mistake.

2.     Use the resources available to you.

When kids are older the school has more input about the outcome of whether your child will be held back or move forward in school. Often there is a committee or educator that help make the decision with input from you. The school will typically tell you about academic opportunities for advancement. For example, your child will have summer school and other opportunities to get caught up. Your child may also be given credit recovery options whether it is in the summer or even night school. Usually engaging these opportunities will be the fastest and easiest way to get your child back on track and in their right grade. Also, schools offer opportunities to take college and military entrance exams that are free to students. Encouraging your child to take advantage of programs offered to them is important. When education and opportunity is important to parents then it helps it become important to the child.

3.     Are they reading?  Elementary school is difficult if you aren’t reading by first grade.  Getting behind on reading could spell trouble because kindergarten and 1st grade are meant to get your kid reading.  Therefore, if your child isn’t reading on level it could make for difficult elementary years.

4.     Parent Influence diminishes over time. Typically, parents have some say so on whether a child should go on to first or second grade if their child is really struggling. If you feel your child may need to repeat a grade, then early recognition is your best bet.

5.     Summertime Birthdays. Kids with summer birthdays are sometimes almost 9 months younger than some kids in their class. Your child may be one of the youngest in their class. They may have to work harder to stay caught up academically, socially, and emotionally. Retaining your child may give them an opportunity to get caught up.

Conclusion:

It can be hard knowing what to do. I think many parents believe holding their kids back is acknowledging the weakness in their child somehow. I was lucky enough to have a mom that diagnosed learning disorders in kids so she could see that my twin brother and I were struggling during first grade. We were acting out and frustrated because learning was hard, and we had difficulty staying up with our peers. Since we were both born premature, she felt we just needed some extra time. Both my brother and I did first grade over and that was probably the best decision for me and my brother—not only academically but also emotionally and socially. I find very few parents that wish they had moved their kid on when they were struggling. Most are happy and satisfied with their decision to retain their child and allow them extra time to grow and develop.