If you were alive during 9/11 you remember where you were. You were locked into the television trying to see what was happening and what would happen next. I left a graduate college class early because the professor heard about the first plane and knew something was wrong. We all left and hurried to find a television. I went to my grandmother’s house and watched the 9/11 events unfold. Most of us were horrified when the second plane flew into the second twin tower. The assumption at first was that there was a malfunction with the first plane or an accident but when the second plane hit you knew it was on purpose and something was very wrong. We all will listen more when the stakes are high, and we are all glued to our television or smart device in a crisis. It’s the smaller opportunities to listen that are harder.
It is the attention to the smaller opportunities to listen and learn that were helpful in the after math from 9/11. For example, airport and airplane security changed. Agencies started talking to each other more. Listening become a premium skill because, apparently, we had not done a good enough job to hear the right things at the right times to advert a disaster. Listening is something we assume we know how to do but there can be many obstacles to good listening.
Listening can be lifesaving and/or even a public service. How could listening be lifesaving? Literally, there are lots of things people learn how to do that can be lifesaving. For example, simple things like listening to your swim instructor during lessons or paying attention during a fire drill, and on and on. We hope the doctors taking care of us were listening in medical school when getting instruction about our treatment. Likewise, listening is a public service when we share information that makes our community a safer place.
Many things in life are dependent on listening and sharing of information. One of the most important reasons to listen is one that few of us do--listening to shape the world around us. There are also lots of opportunities to enhance the world around you by listening. What do I mean? I am talking about learning to listen in a way that reshapes your relationships and how you experience the world around you. Listening can take you all kinds of places. Maybe you listen to a life event someone went through or listen to a recent diagnosis a coworker or family member experienced. I’m amazed what people will tell me just because I bother to listen. It matters when I choose to listen and not hurry on to the next thing.
Our world is struggling more with people with too much to say and not enough people listening to one another. Many people have been trying to say something for a long time and are angry when they are finally saying it. Why? I believe it is because they feel unheard. In my experience, people lashing out with their words is a symptom of someone that hasn’t been listened to for a long time. Thus, it shouldn’t be surprising we see the internet flooded with lots of people feeling the need to shout on whatever platform they can find to be heard.
There are also many people afraid to share for fear of how it sounds or fear of being criticized and/or judged. The lack of people listening in a significant way to each other contributes to poor mental health outcomes. Marriages struggle more when there isn’t listening. Anxiety and depression can increase when people feel no one is listening to them. People will feel more isolated and withdrawn when they don’t have others to listen to them. Listening to others doesn’t mean you have to agree. It just means you acknowledged the other person. Listening makes you a better partner, brother, sister, mom, dad, or employee. Want to make improvements to your life. Become a better listening.
Here are 5 tips to becoming a better listener.
1--Make them feel important.
It matters that you make someone feel important when you talk to them. It may sound silly, but the little things matter. Eye contact seems obvious, but many people are distracted and looking at their phones in a conversation which telegraphs they aren’t very engaged.
2--Don’t interrupt someone.
It’s okay to wait your turn. It sounds obvious but our culture has diminishing social skills.
3--Your body language matters.
So think about what your face and body are telling someone when you are listening. It is obvious if you appear inpatient or are in a rush to finish the conversation.
4--Openings, Closings, and Transitions matter.
What do I mean? Good morning, good night, or thanks for letting me know are all verbal ques that you are acknowledging someone.
5--Appreciation for sharing.
Expressing gratitude that someone is sharing with you makes someone feel heard whether you can do anything with the information or not.
--Jered B.
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