Even Jesus had anxious parents

As a parent have you ever felt a lack of control over your environment?  I want to specifically address anxiety. Consider your own experiences with anxiety. When do you feel it most? What triggers it? Is it in group settings? Is it when your children or partner are far away? Or it arises when you feel powerless at work or school? I have heard stories from many individuals, including students who experience anxiety related to school shootings, violence, or even tests and deadlines. The reality is that anxiety can hinder our ability to accomplish tasks.

For example, I often speak with teenagers who have multiple missing assignments, and when I suggest they start working on them, they respond, "It's too much." When we feel overwhelmed, our anxiety can prevent us from taking the necessary steps to make progress and be productive. This can manifest in various aspects of our lives – such as a cluttered home, mounting bills, or an overwhelming workload – leaving us unsure of where to begin. Anxiety can induce considerable worry and stress, thereby impacting our interactions with others. It can make us irritable and difficult to be around, impacting our relationships with family and friends.

It is important to acknowledge that these feelings are valid and real. At the core of anxiety often lies a desire for control: the things we want to manage and influence. The pandemic heightened anxiety levels for many, revealing new fears and worries that may linger even today. When discussing recovery from addiction, the Serenity Prayer offers guidance on finding peace in situations beyond our control, encouraging us to focus on what we can manage. From a parenting perspective, there are various concerns that can cause sleepless nights. One common concern is ensuring a healthy birth and wondering if our child will be okay. For instance, when my second child was born, she had to be airlifted to receive care, which created immense anxiety for me as a parent.

As our children grow, we often worry if they are developing at the same pace as their peers. I have navigated some delays with my own children; one struggled with a speech delay, and the anxiety of wanting everything to progress normally can be overwhelming. Everyone enjoys celebrating milestones when their child excels, like reading or walking first. However, there are times when our children may not reach those milestones as expected, causing us to worry about their development. As they get older, new anxieties can emerge, such as being left out by friends, not receiving invitations to birthday parties, not making sports teams, or facing bullying at school.

As parents, we often feel compelled to advocate for our children, approaching school administrators to address bullying and ensure that our kids are safe and supported. That's how we want to respond and encourage kids to include our child or treat them fairly. I had a situation growing up when I was on the JV basketball team. They were selecting players to move up to the varsity playoff team, and I was hoping to be picked. However, one kid's mom confronted the coach aggressively, and as a result, he decided to promote her son from JV to varsity. I was left behind and felt that if my mom had gone to speak to the coach, I might have been able to move up too. The reality was that we all viewed that kid with resentment. The only reason he was promoted to varsity was because his mom verbally pressured the coach while the rest of us did not have that advocacy.

Sometimes we cannot rescue our kids from difficult situations, just as we can't always save ourselves from challenges. We want to protect them, which is why this can be so hard. The inability to control these situations creates anxiety for us. I know my parents felt a certain way about me being left off the team. They never explicitly told me, but I could sense their hurt because I was hurting from not being on that team. It is challenging to watch our kids be mistreated in the world, sometimes knowing we can not intervene and sometimes feeling powerless. As kids age into their teenage years and begin driving or heading off to college, anxiety increases significantly. It is tough to feel as though we have no control over the choices they make. Will they get up for class? Will they study? Will they make good decisions with friends?

When they graduate high school and go off to college we worry if they will thrive or not. College is extremely expensive now, and mistakes can be costly, whether it is out of our pockets or through student loans. As we observe our children grow up and establish their own families, facing new struggles can also be anxiety-inducing for us. We often feel the urge to step in or offer to do it, but sometimes we must simply encourage, support, and watch from a distance. That can be exceedingly difficult.

At the end of the day, many of us appreciate when our parents or friends encourage and support us, even if it doesn’t remove our anxiety. This brings me to a point of encouragement, particularly relating to the anxieties even Jesus’s parents faced. If you are a person of faith or a follower of Jesus, you might find it interesting that even his parents experienced anxiety. Imagine receiving the news that your child is destined to be the Son of God. That would certainly be anxiety-inducing! How do you raise the Son of God?

 In Luke chapter 2, we read about how Jesus’s family traveled to Jerusalem for the temple and, on their way back home, realized he was missing. They returned to Jerusalem to search for him for three days and finally found him in the temple, sitting among the religious teachers, listening, and asking questions. They were amazed by his understanding, but also confused and worried; his mother asked, “Why have you done this to us? Your father and I were frantically searching for you everywhere.” Jesus was in the temple, which makes sense since he is the Son of God, but his parents did not know where he was. They experienced a misunderstanding and the kind of communication issues we all face. Imagining how they felt—losing the Son of God—would be incredibly anxiety-inducing. You feel responsible for protecting him until he grows up and starts his ministry. It is only natural that they were frantic and questioned him about it. I can relate to that feeling. I remember taking a trip to Washington D.C. with my family, enjoying the different monuments and the experiences along the way.

And we went into the Lincoln Memorial. And my son is eight, my daughter is like five, and we're going through things, and we turn a corner and we're going one direction. My son accidentally goes, the other five minutes go by, turn around, and I cannot find my son.  And frantic is the right word. We retrace our steps. We can't find him anywhere. We panicked because we felt like he was snatched.  And so, we are freaking out and then we get a phone call and it's a mom. And my son is okay. And we have told our son before, hey, if you get separated or whatever, find a mom with some kids and ask to use the cell phone and call us and we will find you.

And that is what happened.  And so, it was okay, but the panic that grips you as a parent when you turn, and your child is gone, and you cannot find them. It is unlike any feeling. And so, imagine three days of Jesus’ parents looking for him. You cannot find your child and your child's the Son of God and you are retracing your steps looking everywhere, and there's no cell phones back then.

There is nothing you can do and it isn’t like you can just call ahead. You have to walk and journey all the way back on foot to fget where you were to hopefully find your child in a lost city.  That is crazy. So stressful. I can imagine. So I want to encourage you today if you deal with anxiety and worry  in your family, for your children, that is a normal thing.

The thing I would say for us as parents, the suggestions, the tips, the wisdom that I would offer is this.

1.        Sometimes, certain situations are beyond our control, and it can be tough to accept that. However, we can offer support and encouragement to our children, which is essential. Instead of overreacting—something we all tend to do at times—it is important to guide our kids in learning to solve problems on their own. Ultimately, the key skill we want our children to develop is the ability to problem-solve for themselves. This applies whether they are still children or have grown into adults. If we are still making decisions for them when they're 25, it indicates that we may have missed some important lessons along the way. Teaching our kids to solve problems means stepping back and allowing them to make choices, even if it's difficult for us. It’s crucial to give them the space they need to develop this skill.

2.       Additionally, it's perfectly okay to seek help from other parents or professionals. Sometimes, we can be too close to a situation to see it clearly. Reaching out for feedback from fellow parents, especially those who are experiencing similar challenges or have more experience, can provide valuable insights. If you’re fortunate enough to have good role models in your parents or grandparents, don’t hesitate to ask them about their experiences and the advice they have for you. Often, there are supportive parents out there who are eager to share encouragement, but they will not impose their advice unless asked.

3.        It is important to connect with trusted individuals in your circle—those who have successfully navigated parenting challenges or who are willing to share their mistakes and lessons. Other parents going through similar struggles can be incredibly normalizing. These conversations are a way to strengthen our mental resilience, especially since anxiety can be overwhelming for us as parents, or even as grandparents when thinking about our children or grandchildren. It is vital to address these feelings because they can consume us. Remember, experiencing anxiety is not unique to us. Even Jesus’ parents faced their challenges.

--Jered