Does my kid have autism?
Have you have worried about your child because they are behind in some of their developmental milestones. Maybe your child doesn’t play well with others. Maybe they always want to play alone and if they do play with other kids, it is more “parallel play” meaning they will play next to another child but not with another child. Maybe you have been defensive because a friend or family member has questioned you wondering if there was something wrong with your child.
All these concerns and worries can lead us to Google things like autism or even land you on this article. You may be wondering if your child has autism. In the years I have worked with people that have autism even some of the definitions have even changed. In the past you might have heard the phrase that he or she has Asperger's which simply meant high functioning autism. Now the diagnosis has changed, and it all is simply autism. Autism is measured now on the severity of the symptoms which can include concrete thinking, difficulty in integrating ideas, difficulty with organizing and sequencing, excessive focus on details, sensory problems, struggles with social interaction, and repetitive behaviors.
Sometimes kids are just playing catch up and need extra time to develop. For example, many kids may be identified by early child intervention programs and need a little help with a speech or motor skills delay. Getting support for your child early can be helpful for your child to catch up. However, if it feels like your child needs help in lots of areas and still is struggling to catch up developmentally and socially then if may be time to go see the doctor. Your child’s pediatric doctor can make an autism diagnosis or may give a referral for testing that can screen for autism. Early child intervention can also work with your school and get testing done for your child that includes screening for autism. Sometimes getting a diagnosis of autism is the hardest thing. There are often very few providers that screen and diagnosis autism which leaves a long line of children in need of services. So, what do you do in the meantime?
Waiting is hard but it is important to continue to work with your child on self-expression and improving their receptive language skills. What do I mean? Most children should be able to communicate what they want by 3 and 4. If your child is just pointing and making noises to communicate what they want it is important to encourage attempts at language even if it results in tantrums. As children learn to communicate, they will be less frustrated, and tantrums will typically subside. Many times, tantrums are usually a combination of the child not being able to express themselves correctly and not getting what they want immediately.
What happens when you get your results, and they indicate your child doesn’t have autism? Continue to get services for your child if needed. Keep working with them at home, rewarding effort, and celebrating attempts at improving desired outcomes. For example, if your child attempts to tell you at least twice what they want before grunting or throwing a tantrum then reward the attempts.
But what if the results come back and it is positive for autism? There is a common phrase that is passed around by people that work and interact with kids with autism. It goes something like “if you have worked with one kid with autism then you have worked with one kid that has autism.” It means that every child with autism is each unique and can require a different approach. However, there are several parenting approaches that tend to be helpful. Consider the following top 10 tips below that help with developmental and long-term outcomes.
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1. Teach sequencing. You say things like “first”, we must pick up our shoes and “then” we can go outside and play. Another phrase I teach is. “I have to do what I have to do to get to do what I want to do.”
2. Reward a child immediately when a desired behavior is achieved. It could be as simple as a high five, but it sends the message of positive reinforcement.
3. Natural reinforcers work most of the time. For example, if a child demands a toy, it is not given but if manners are used then the toy is given.
4. Time outs can be good for kids and toys. If we are smashing or trying to break the toys, then the toy may need to go to time out until your child can try and play with them again nicely. Time outs are also great to learn as a child because it teaches emotional regulation and the ability to take a break and calm down.
5. Have short and clear instructions that are realistic and achievable for your child.
6. Identify triggers. We don’t want to avoid all triggers because perhaps playing with other children is a trigger for a tantrum. Rather we want to know what the triggers are so we can better prepare and help our children through them.
7. Soothing Skills. Know what soothes your child and work to have several avenues to help your child calm down. It also may be helpful to find what works in a variety of settings. Some may be better suited at home and some better for school.
8. Stay Calm. Parents must remain calm and understand that a parent’s outbursts and anger will typically escalate and agitate a child with autism making the unwanted behavior more difficult to manage. Model taking a break.
9. Seek services. Speech, occupational therapy, and physical therapy can all be useful to help a child better cope with their developmental delays. Your child may also be eligible for social security disability and be eligible for group home housing as a adult. You may not need all these services but getting a safety net under our kid now or when they are an adult is important. There also can be vocational training programs that are government funded that your child could be eligible for.
10. ABA therapy can be helpful. It is becoming more and more common and helpful for families trying to reinforce daily living and social skills with a child that has an autism diagnosis.
